Cynthia is a Christian mom who watched her son drift away from her because of his homosexuality. But the story has a happy ending. She's agreed to share her story for the sake of all the other parents out there who are struggling to respond to their kids.

Over the years, certain life events fade into the distance. But if you were to ask me about when my son Danny came out of the closet, I could tell you where we were and remember parts of the conversation like it was yesterday.

Looking back at it today I must admit that it wasn't one of my finest hours as a parent.

We had been living in Texas but when our business failed we moved back to Ohio. We had just gotten back from spending the holidays at my brother-in-law's house. I had a lot of reservations about going there in the first place because my brother-in-law is gay and he and his mate had been together as long as my husband and I had been married (which was about 15 years at this time). My in-laws had come to terms with the fact that my brother-in-law was gay and they even welcomed his mate into the family with open arms. This was so wrong to me. I always believed that if my husband's father hadn't passed away at such an early age that this acceptance would not have been there. I viewed being gay as something you could catch (or be influenced into) and no son of mine was going to be deceived into believing that he was gay. I knew what the Bible said and I would fight the devil himself if it meant my son's salvation!

On the day that Danny came out, we were in the basement of my mother-in-law's house. Knowing that he was about to feel his mom's wrath, Danny came out by saying, "I think I'm gay," or "I might be gay," or something to that effect. I remember jumping on the uncertainty in his words. As long as he was unsure of how he felt, I was okay. Because as long as he was unsure, I didn't have to accept it. I had already decided that Danny was not going to be gay and that was all there was to it!

At first I went through denial. Then I got mad. I understand what they mean when they call some Christians "Bible Thumpers" because I became one that day. When Danny tried to talk to me, I started by telling him what the Bible said. I gave him the whole speech: "I'm right and you're wrong," and "the Bible says that God abhors homosexuals," and "God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexuality." I took this 17-year-old boy and beat him up with my Christian beliefs. I showed no mercy, or love, or compassion. All I did that day was heap condemnation, confusion and guilt on this boy I dearly loved. And I did it in the name of the Lord.

That first day started years of confusion for Danny. I never realized until later in life how my lack of understanding devastated him. It didn't take him long after that day to find his way back to Texas and put 1200 miles between us. Later Danny told me about the bouts of depression, migraines, thoughts of suicide, and total confusion that he experienced during this period. At one point he even got engaged to a girl. I was thrilled, but he couldn't go through with it. They remain good friends, but Danny knew all along that being gay was not a matter of choice; It was what he was. Somewhere along the line, coming to that conclusion made it easier for me to understand.

They say that time heals all wounds. Years later, my stand against gays had weakened. Danny and I were commucating by phone, and I had walked away from God, though I still believed. We were back in Texas; Danny had moved to Dallas, and he was partying a lot and heavily involved in the club scene.

I can honestly say that it is only by the grace of God that Danny is still alive today.

One night we got a call from Danny. He had done several different kinds of drugs. He was so scared that he would die that night. Within an hour Danny's dad was on his way to Dallas to rescue him. When we got him home he was a mess. His confusion was tearing him apart and the drugs had done a number on him. He was trying to be in the world and all that goes along with that but part of him remained faithful to God. He had been going to church in Dallas and someone gave him the name of a pastor in Austin where we lived. Danny contacted this pastor and this gay pastor took Danny under his wing from the very first day. I remember that the first service he went to was on a Wednesday and then there was some kind of camp meeting in Tulsa that following weekend and they took Danny to that. When he came back he was totally transformed. I could see Jesus in him and there was no denying that. There standing before me was a young man who had finally found the peace he had been searching for for so long.

This brought on major confusion to me. How could I see Jesus in my gay son? For me, that was like mixing oil and water; you can shake them and they may stay together for a bit but they just don't mix. Yet I could not deny the transformation I saw in Danny. There was peace; all the confusion was gone. Joy had replaced the pain and sorrow that he had left with. How could this be, considering that he had gone to a camp meeting with a bunch of gay people?

Danny talked me into going to this gay church. I guess I was curious enough that I just had to see if it was for real. I remember walking in and being really nervous. But when the music started and these people started praising the Lord, I knew it was for real. God had come to this church and I sure didn't understand it! But there was no denying that God was there.

This just rocked my world for a while. I started asking God to explain the whole "gay" thing to me. And of all the answers God could have given me, the answer I heard was that I didn't have to understand it. I was not put on this earth to judge these people but it was a requirement to love them. The Bible says we will know them by their fruit. Today, I see the fruit in my son's life.

If you were to ask me if this was the life I would have chosen for my son I would probably tell you no. But I was not the one who made that decision. The Bible says that God knew us before we were even born. If that's true then I guess God already knew that Danny would be gay in spite of what I said or thought. We put so much pressure on these kids that some are committing suicide while others go through years of unhappiness, sorrow and depression. By our own ignorance we are the driving force that is destroying our families. We have allowed other Christians to tell us that this is so wrong and we have listened to preachers condemn them over and over again. Is this right? Is it done in love? Because my Bible says that they will know we are Christians by our love.

In closing, I would like to say to Danny. Son, I am so sorry for my ignorance. I know that my words and opinions over the years have caused you much pain and grief. For that I apologize to you. I loved you the day before you came out of the closet and today I love you even more. I cannot stand before the Father on the final day for you; that one you have to do on your own. But if God has called you into this life to be an example of how a Godly man should be then I believe we both have won.

The Bible says that the harvest is white but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers. I am so thankful for all the workers that God has sent to GCN. We have a big task before us and it looks like most of the Christians will be late.

God Bless,
Cynthia F.

Cynthia's son Danny told his story on our Feb. 12, 2004, edition of GCN Radio. You can read the transcript here or listen to the show online.