Frequently Asked Questions

Questions about gay Christians

Questions about the website

What’s a gay Christian?

Christians are the followers of Jesus of Nazareth. We believe that Jesus was God’s Son, the savior who was promised to the Israelites. His sacrificial death means that we can be forgiven for the wrongs we’ve done, and have eternal life with God.

A gay person is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to the same sex, unlike the majority of people, who are attracted to the opposite sex. It is not currently known why some people are gay when the majority are straight, although there are a number of theories.

In recent years, some groups of Christians have become very critical of gay people, due to some negative references to homosexuality in the Bible. Even so, there are many same-sex attracted people who choose to follow Jesus. The Gay Christian Network is a place for those people to find support, fellowship, and spiritual nourishment.

Did you choose to be gay?

No. Many people believe that being gay must be a choice, but that’s usually because they’re confusing “gay feelings” with “homosexual behavior.” The two are not the same.

Being gay just means that someone is attracted to his or her own sex. Most of us would not have chosen to feel this way, and many of us tried very hard to become “straight” (attracted to the opposite sex). But even straight people can’t choose whom they find attractive. You can’t force yourself to become attracted to someone who isn’t attractive to you, and you can’t force yourself to think someone is unattractive when you are actually attracted to them. (Believe us, we’ve tried!)

However, any of us can choose how we wish to behave. If a gay person chooses to be sexually abstinent, or to go on a date, or to try to change their feelings through prayer, or any other behavior, that is a choice. Being gay is not a choice, but the way we respond to our gay feelings is always up to us.

Are you sexually abstinent?

Not all gay Christians have the same answer to this question. Some gay Christians believe that God does not want them to be sexually active, so they choose to be celibate. Many others choose to date and marry just like straight Christians, with the only difference being the gender of the person.

This site is designed to be a haven for all gay Christians, whichever view they take. However, as Christians, we do believe that sex should be taken seriously, and we don’t support the promiscuity and sexual looseness that are often a part of the secular world.

Can gay people become straight?

This is a tough question to answer with certainty, since “proving” whether someone’s attractions have changed is sort of like proving whether they were abducted by aliens. It could have happened, but if it did, the only way to know is by taking their word for it. After all, no one can really know how another person feels inside.

If we do take people at their word, what we find is this: Most gay people have tried to become straight at some point in their lives. Many gay Christians have spent years of their lives praying for God to make them straight, and a lot of us have combined prayer with Christian therapy, support groups, psychological treatments, or other methods of seeking change. Some have even undergone controversial therapies like shock treatment, hoping it would help them become straight.

Today, there are a number of “ex-gay organizations,” which teach that gays can become straight. You may have heard the testimony of ex-gays, people who say they’ve changed from gay to straight, usually with God’s help.

The term “ex-gay” can be a bit misleading, however. Often, people who say they “came out of homosexuality” mean only that they stopped engaging in homosexual sex. They consider themselves “ex-gay” because of a change in their behavior, but they continue to be attracted to the same sex. (This is sort of like a prostitute who becomes fed up with her unfulfilling lifestyle and chooses to give up sex. She is still heterosexual, but she is no longer engaging in heterosexual intercourse. She didn’t “come out of heterosexuality.”)

Some ex-gays marry a member of the opposite sex, and use this as the “proof” that they have changed. But many gay people have also married a member of the opposite sex and even raised a family in an attempt to change their inner feelings. Even so, on the inside, they still remain attracted to their own sex. They’re still gay.

The vast majority of ex-gays admit to continuing same-sex attractions, even though they may not say so in their public testimonies. There are a few, however, who claim to have gone from 100% gay to 100% straight. It is possible, then, that an orientation change may be possible for a small percentage of the population. On the other hand, critics will point out that several ex-gays who claimed to have become straight were later caught in compromising situations, demonstrating that they hadn’t always been honest about their innermost feelings.

Ultimately, of course, none of us can say for sure whether it may be possible for some people to change their feelings, or if so, who can change and how much.

Does the Bible condemn being gay?

In a word, no. When someone says that the Bible condemns “homosexuality,” what they usually mean to say is that the Bible condemns homosexual behavior. (Not everyone agrees, however; see the next question.) Remember, “being gay” doesn’t mean that someone is sexually active.

The Bible condemns some types of sexual behavior, and it condemns lust of any sort (whether heterosexual or homosexual). But nowhere does the Bible discuss same-sex attractions or how to live as a Christian if you have gay feelings. These are subjects on which we must seek God’s heart through prayer and the guidance that we do have in Scripture.

Does the Bible condemn gay sex?

The Bible doesn’t discuss gay feelings, but it does discuss gay sex. There are only a handful of passages which mention same-gender sexual relationships, and all of them are negative.

There are basically two ways to interpret these passages, and gay Christians are divided on which is the appropriate one.

One view holds that the Bible does condemn gay sex, and that gay Christians should commit themselves to lifelong celibacy. This is the predominant view in the Roman Catholic Church, for example.

The other view holds that the Bible condemns certain sexual practices - including the homosexual sex rites of ancient pagan idol worship - but that God blesses a loving, monogamous, Christ-centered, same-sex marriage. A lot of information on this view can be found in the “Bible & theology” section of our resource page.

Didn’t God destroy Sodom?

Yes!  Sodom was a wicked city, full of idolatry, arrogance, and cruelty.  (See Ezekiel 16:49-50.)

One example of Sodom’s wickedness appears in Genesis 19. When two angels came to warn Lot about the city’s destruction, the men of Sodom decided to put these strangers in their place by gang-raping them. (They were unsuccessful.) This does not mean that Sodom was a “homosexual city,” of course. Gang rape was apparently well-known in Bible times as a way of bringing humiliation and proving dominance over another man, just as it is used in today’s prisons. The same tactic was used by wicked people in the city of Gibeah hoping to drive away a stranger. (See Judges 19.)

Why identify as Christians if so many Christians are anti-gay?

If “Christianity” were like an exclusive club or some kind of “religious movement” we believed in, this site probably wouldn’t exist. Modern-day Christians don’t have a very good reputation when it comes to showing love to gay people. In fact, some of the most hate-filled people of our time use the name of Jesus to justify their hateful attitudes and behavior. Why would we want to be a part of that?

But Christianity is not a club or a movement. For us, it’s a completely life-changing experience of God, rooted in the teachings, ministry, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We have been changed in such a profound way that the word “Christian” describes an integral part of who we are, not something we could choose to disassociate ourselves from if we wanted. And even if we could, we wouldn’t want to. We are happy about what God has done and continues to do in our lives!

Jesus modeled true Love for us, and God gives us the power to share that Love. But each of us is still a work in progress. We are only human, and sometimes we make mistakes. The people who make up the Christian community are not perfect, and they can be susceptible to the misconceptions and prejudices of the rest of the world. Sometimes our fellow Christians don’t treat us with the love of Jesus, and of course that hurts. But we forgive them for that. After all, we don’t always act lovingly either.

There are, of course, some people who don’t show any evidence in their lives that they’ve been changed by God. Not everyone who calls himself or herself a Christian is willing to make the sacrifices necessary to follow Christ. But we’re not going to try to distinguish between the “true Christians” and the “false Christians.” Only God can do that. Our job is to seek God each day, to acknowledge our own sinfulness, and to allow God to continue transforming us to become more like Jesus. Is it easy? No. But it wasn’t easy for Jesus, either. Look at what he went through!

Is this an ex-gay site?

No. This site is designed to be a safe haven and place of fellowship for Christians who identify as gay. Membership is open to anyone, however, as long as they are willing to help us maintain that atmosphere.

How do you justify your views?

First of all, not all of our members believe the same thing. For example, while some of our members believe in gay marriage, sex, and dating, some of our members do not (and are therefore committed to celibacy).

Because we each have very different views, there is no way that one person or document could speak for all of us. You may get a very basic idea by reading the other questions at the top of this page, but beyond that, you may wish to ask people individually or post a message on our message boards for a more complete response to your questions.

Who funds this site?

GCN is funded entirely by freewill donations from the public. We do not charge any fees or allow advertisements or anything else that might interfere with our ability to reach the world with the truth about God’s love.

If you would like to help support this ministry, please visit our donations page.

Where can I find answers to my questions about the message board?

We are currently building a brand new FAQ page for message board questions. In the meantime, please ask your question on our message board itself, or send us an email.