Queer as Faith is a weekly column by Nathan Gunter.  Unconventional and thought-provoking, Nathan writes as a gay Christian struggling to live authentically in the real world.

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Week 11:
Groom and Golden Calf

I think as Christians we're saturated with Parent imagery.  We're the adopted children of the Father, according to Paul.  It's beautiful.  We are chosen, blessed.  Beloved, cherished, pulled into the Almighty's embrace.  Bastard children taken in, every one, out of wretchedness and shame into the Family of the Creator.

Today I was struck, thanks to the music of Derek Webb, with the image of Jesus as our bridegroom.

These images, and the language they use, could be considered sexist.  But let's not lose view of the forest for the trees.  It's the image that matters, it's the truth behind the words that really counts here.  The sociosexual implications of the language and its use through the centuries falls away when we take the hand of the one who calls us Betrothed.  Worth discussing?  Probably at some point, yes.  Worth losing ourselves and our view of the Savior?  Probably not.

I think about how when you fall in love, you feel a bit more redeemed, a bit more worthwhile.  This sense of extra security comes up around you, like you're standing in the shallow end of a pool that's filling up.

The Old Testament prophets, especially Hosea, spoke of Israel as an unfaithful wife.  We must have the humility and the courage to read our own names in ancient Israel's place when searching for truth in Scripture.  We run from our wild lover of a Lord, who says he loves us "even though the people have turned to other gods, offering them choice gifts."

I don't have a golden calf set up in my room.  I don't worship Baal, or practice Wicca, or even believe that there is more than one way to redemption.  (I do Yoga but that's more of a fitness thing than a spiritual one, really, and I don't get the feeling in prayer that the Lord's wrath burns against me for that.)

But I worship, oh man do I worship the things of this world.  I am a lied-to liar, a man who remains convinced, in a crazy, unbelieving part of himself, that my worth is defined by the things I have, by how I look, by my job, by what others think… and I run to do the bidding of these idols.  I run from lover to lover, whoring out my worship for any idol that will receive it.

But there is only one lover who doesn't fade, who every day, every moment, rages against these idols, who longs to melt them down and make me a crown of gold.  And most of the time I have no idea.  I'm so busy worshipping everything else, so busy trying to gain value by the things that this world tells me to have and be, that the Heavens seem to cloud over and my vision gets blurred.  The thing is, it's not the heavens that are clouded over.  It's my own eyes.

"But then I will win her back once again.  I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there.  I will return her vineyards and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.  She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt" (Hosea 2.14-15, NLT).

We are the betrothed, beloved bride of God.  We are the church, and our groom calls to us to live as one so beloved, so secure and confident and humble, and to love the world that hates us in the same way that He has loved us, who hate Him.  Unlike the lovers of this world, our Groom will not desert us when we have fulfilled His purposes.  We are what He wants: dirty, immoral, promiscutes that we are.  We are the ones He will have.

Praise the Lord.

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